Up? Or Down? (It's not really an elevator!)

Every evening during our family prayer time, one or more of my younger siblings prays, "Dear Jesus, please help us make good choices." This is an echo of what my parents say to them before a potential brawl- "Remember- make good choices!" At first, it seemed to me to be a simple, cute discipline reserved for young children. But recently I've been thinking more about it.

No choice remains in isolation. Everything we do will either actively lead us to God or away from Him. And every choice ultimately turns into a decision.

For example: if Clement has a choice between eating salad or ice cream for Monday's supper and he chooses ice cream, fine. On Tuesday he makes the same choice. He does so again on Wednesday. Then on and on over the next weeks and months he eats a steady diet of ice cream. On that first day, he did not make a decision to eat ice cream for the rest of his life, but choices ultimately turn into decisions. Clement made a decision to neglect his health, pamper his passion, and eat ice cream.

Take the case of St. Maria Goretti. She chose not to yield to man's impurity and indecent proposals, but rather to imitate Christ. Her decision was to love God and obtain sanctity.

Maybe this is obvious to all of my readers. But I am sitting here contemplating something I've never really thought about before. Our every thought, word, and deed is an active choice (and ultimate decision) between God and Death. When it comes to our salvation, there really isn't any neutrality. If you aren't for God, you're against Him. And our actions will give truth to our words.

Right...

Me: "Why?"

God: "Because, dummy!"

Learning to Listen to the Divine Whisper

It has been a crazy past few months here. I have been facing the usual high school senior dilemmas regarding the "afterlife", so to speak, of high school- whether or not to go to college, whether I should go immediately or postpone it, what I would do in the meantime, and to which colleges I should apply. All of this on top of my normal activities- finishing up my schoolwork so I DO have a joyful afterlife, working, taking guitar lessons, and the million other household tasks. Ugh. Never before have I been so stressed out about the calendar and fast-approaching deadlines!

December 1st was the early admission deadline for my top-choice college. Early admission gives you first dibs for scholarship opportunities, as well as giving you some clarity as to what your college options are. I scrambled to get all the pieces of my application submitted by November 30, because I wouldn't be around to do it the next day. A wave of relief rolled over my shoulders as December 1st came and went because I knew I was one of the lucky few who had met the deadline.

This morning I received an email from the director of admissions. Apparently they had my entire application except my letter of recommendation, which my dad mailed over a week ago! The director told me that Dad could write a new letter and email it to him.

At the end of all this, I just want to laugh the laugh of a treasure-seeker who has searched the world for years for a priceless treasure, beautiful beyond all imagination. When he finally finds the treasure, in his exultation he slips on the damp floor of the cave and the treasure slides out of his hands and into the fiery mouth of the volcano. There are only two possible reactions: to weep or to laugh. He begins to laugh.

Perhaps my problem is I am too anxious to discover God's plan for my life. I stress out too much about what it could be, and the fastest way of obtaining it. Hence, I will run in all directions hoping that I will find a billboard screaming "THIS IS IT". But of course that is not how God works. I need to remember how God spoke to Elias: not in the wind; not in the earthquake; not in the fire; rather, in the whistling of a gentle air.

This morning while I was thinking about all this, it dawned on me. I already know what God's plan for me in this life is! As a matter of fact, it is what the Church has been telling me my entire life!! Baltimore Catechism, Lesson 1, Question 6:

Q. Why did God make you?

A. God made me to know Him, to love Him, and to serve Him in this world, and to be happy with Him for ever in heaven.

That is exactly what I have been looking for, right in front of me the entire time! As long as I truly know God, love Him, and desire to serve Him, everything else will fall into place!! I don't need to worry about the college I go to, or whether I am to be married or enter a convent. God will tell me in a whisper when I can no longer serve Him in my current situation. He will lead me on the path to Him. All I need to do is to follow. If I know Him, love Him, and serve Him in every "now", I will forever be living His plan for my life.

P.S. All the above was written 10 minutes ago. Nine minutes ago I received a phone call from a college granting me an extension to a scholarship deadline. I now need to write a 7-page essay worth $90,000 by midnight!!! So now I'm munching on chocolate trying hard to not be stressed...!!!

 

Now!!

While digging through some stacks of papers, magazines, and miscellaneous memorabilia of days gone by, I came across a paper by an author from years ago. The name of the author is irrelevant, the time of the writing is unimportant, but I think the nature of the topic bears mention here. I have not attempted to reproduce it word for word, but what follows is what I have attempted to reproduce.

Once upon a time- that is how all the old stories start. And they do have a certain inkling of romance attached to them- the sound of a roaring wind- chestnuts cracking in a great stone hall- the smell of lavender and jasmine in the opal air- the sweet taste of the first honeysuckle- the red, blue, and purple crackling of an open fire with the stars dancing above and the dew lightly kissing the grass beneath. The smell of cinnamon and nutmeg, ginger and garlic; the warmth of the sun on your face and sand between your toes; the creaking of the leather saddles and the taste of freshly-baked blueberry pies- yes, those magical words have a kind of romance about them that can instantly transport you to another place and time.

With all this in mind, there is still an unsatisfied recess of my mind which demands for something more. Why are all the stories in the past? Why doesn't someone write a story that is happening this very instant; as the clock ticks away the seconds while you are reading, the very same clock is ticking away the seconds in the story.

What new horizons would this lead to in the world of literature? What planets are we yet to discover? Quit your tedious plowing of the underground fields of the ancient myths, and turn your attention to the deep and secret happenings of today- either plainly exposed under a mountain or concealed in a soft bed of clouds. Breathe in the polluted air and enjoy the progress of today. Don't bother recording it for posterity- the future is too hazy and that would make us the past- accordingly, irrelevant. No, instead, do everything for the now. Because now is all that really matters. The progressive people of today want to know what is happening as it happens. After that, what does it matter anymore? Why would we want to wait 20, 50, 100 or more years for it to be a confirmed part of our history, our culture, and our folklore before obtaining the story? I mean, hey, the best thing about our society today is satisfaction on demand. Instant gratification, some call it. But didn't someone once say something about time being money? How true!! Why waste time on little details!!

Funny that we should use that metaphor, though, because these days money is so figurative. It's a hazy concept which has been floating around for centuries. Apparently it used to actually have a specific value and stood for something real. Now, our money system is basically a complex cycle of numbers. You get paid X amount of dollars and bring it to the bank in the form of a cheque. You hand the piece of paper to the teller, who types something into the computer and hands you back a receipt. You go merrily on your way, and there the numbers sit for X years. In the meantime, you have earned interest on your numbers and they have increased by 0.0XXXXXX%. You finally decide to purchase something with your numbers. So you go to the store and bring along with you a tiny plastic card with your name and- you guessed it!- a series of numbers engraved on it. With an easy swipe of the card and pressing of a few numbers the items are yours. But woe is you if the numbers in your bank account and the numbers on your grand total don't match up! Some time is wasted by worrying about how to multiply and add up those numbers. I'll admit, that is the one flaw in our current monetary system. But no worries! Pretty soon you will receive a piece of paper in the mail from the government saying that they made more numbers to give to you! So you see, like time, money is a hazy thing which somehow keeps on coming. You never see it itself. Just its representatives.

Can you imagine living in a world where you had what you had, and you had to work, plan, and wait to get it? I hear tell that that is what it used to be like. But we have more important things to spend time on now.

Why worry about the future and how you are going to eat when you are hungry now? Why pinch pennies for winter clothes and heat when you really want that new pair of sunglasses? I mean, seriously, why worry about those boring, mundane details of life when now is happening!! I mean, now is now. Yesterday is gone and who knows if tomorrow will ever come? Now is what is important. Time is now.

Well, there you have it. Those words written long ago are the figuration of my main pet peeve. Futility. Money, however much it is not, is not is mere numbers. Or rather, it shouldn't be. It should have purpose and use. God is outside of time, larger than time. However, we need to encounter Him in the now of every moment of our lives. Time and money are not the same. But they are similar in that they both represent something larger than themselves: money representing our temporal needs, our mortal bodies. Time representing our immortal souls, and our quest to let God find us. Hence, time is not money. And we can't save both at Dollar General because we will die and we may or may not make it to Heaven. People, Dollar General is not the answer to all life's questions. The name implies ordering money around, which translates to someone bossing you about how to live your life, which, seen as it is none of their beeswax, trespasses on Free Will. Seeing that Free Will is a Gift from God, and Dollar General is trying to take away God's gifts, don't listen.